Judy and I just finished watching the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy, and we noted the prevalence of pale people sporting greasy long hair, decapitation, and speeches of dire foreboding. We came up with Ring names for each other: I am Dennegor, and she is Judriel. I rule the kingdoms of Yondor (we take long walks off yonder) and Rogaine (hence the heads of sweaty long hair). She’s an elf princess who can speak all the names of plants, even those unknown to mortal man. She curses anyone who accidentally mows a sacred legume or weeds out a rare native plant from her garden domain (how often fiction mirrors reality, indeed).
A dark lord bequeathed headbands of power to my people. My magic band gives me the power to make people laugh. Judriel wants me to cast it aside, but every time I approach the garbage can, my fingers lock tight around the elastic and refuse to drop it into the refuse. I retreat and place it on my head once more, and Judriel (who remains impervious to the headband’s power) sighs and says, “What are you waiting for?! You walked all the way out to the kitchen. Just drop it!” I carefully adjust the band to create a topknot and say, “It is precious to me.”
I published a short, satirical book on Amazon as a Kindle e-book. The Call of the Qu’chihua Qu’ hua is a spoof of the Lovecraft Cthulu stories. Daniel J. is an archaeologist who steals a folder from his Uncle Bob’s files, and uses the information to discover an ancient tomb in South America. The graven image of an evil beast, one that looks like the combined features of a dog and a bat, is carved into the doorway of the tomb’s entrance. Next to it is a hieroglyph that stands for an unknown word of power. He is called back home to his uncle’s deathbed before he can fully investigate his find, and is bequeathed a sketchbook and two houses in Central Florida. When he arrives in Orlando to claim his inheritance he finds further clues about the mysterious tomb and the word of power, and begins to suspect that there is a modern day cult dedicated to the worship of the Bat Dog god. He races to complete his researches but is harassed by a real estate agent, prostitutes and an owner of an illegal dog breeding operation. Even as he begins to piece together the full significance of his discoveries he fears that he will go mad–or worse: that he will become one of Them.