Good Luck With That

 

 

That got elected a few days ago.  Good luck with That.  Now the angry, “disenfranchised” voters who chose That can expect all their problems to disappear within a matter of months.  Manufacturing jobs will spring up out of the earth in Detroit, Milwaukee, Scranton and Akron.  1950s standards of behavior will happily be reinstated and accepted by all.  Folks will become patriotic church goers, and everyone who isn’t straight, white and Protestant will relearn their subordinate (and perhaps hidden) roles in society. That’s power and influence are absolute and will make all these things so.

Foreign policy and diplomacy are incredibly simple fields of endeavor when common sense is applied to seemingly complicated issues.  That hasn’t spent more than a few minutes studying the history of the Middle East, our Cold War and post Cold War conflicts with Russia, and our relationship with our NATO allies.  His head will be very clear when he makes his choices.  That will snap his fingers and all our enemies (real and imaginary) will be carpet bombed into nonexistence.  The rest of the world will applaud our use of power, and no one will challenge our right to exert our will when and wherever That chooses to do so.

That doesn’t believe in climate change.  He’s smarter than the scientists.  All that data they keep presenting is just part of a hoax.  The polar caps will stop melting, the polar vortex will stop wavering, and the seas will stop rising.  Folks in Appalachia can dig up as much coal as we can burn.  Our air quality will be unaffected and mercury levels in lakes and rivers will not rise.  That wills it so.

Women will stop complaining about sexual harassment and unequal pay in the work place.   That says that it’s time that they learned to stay home and focus on their beauty routines and raising children.  And men can follow his example and discard wives after they start putting on weight, develop stretch marks and cellulite, or get a little bit too mouthy.  Hugh Hefner’s standards for male/female relations will become the norm.  After all, what’s good for That is good for all.

The budget will be balanced by cutting taxes on the rich and building up the military. Corporations will be given free rein.  They’re people, just like you and me, and they deserve a break.   All we have to do is eliminate spending on social and cultural programs,  education and environmental protection and all our debt will vanish into thin air.  The plight of poor and sick people can be ignored.  America is for winners.

America will become gold plated and shiny wherever That rests his Midas’ touch.  No one will be able to figure out how he performs his miracles, but every promise he has spoken will come true.  A big, beautiful wall will rise along our Mexican borders.  Illegal immigration will halt.  Terrorism will be eliminated.  The Russians will be our buddies, and Putin will turn out to be this great guy whom the whole world has cruelly misjudged.  All the right people will live and prosper, and all the bad ones will suffer and die.  The world will work just like a 1950s movie starring John Wayne.

Good luck with that.