We tell ourselves stories based on experience and family history. These identity tales give us a sense of continuity. They help us understand how we fit into the societal machine.
Sometimes these stories affirm self-worth. Sometimes they reinforce a sense of inferiority. But whether positive or negative, they provide the comfort of familiarity. Heritage is heritage even if our ancestors bequeathed a giant pile of garbage. Hands off. That’s our pile of garbage.
But what if we discover something that shifts the family narrative sideways? What if a genealogist tells us that our eighth great grandfather fought brilliant battles, performed miracles? Our current crumbling state of misery can’t be a result of his actions. The fault must be ours…On the other hand, what if we discover that great grandma was the Empress Of Evil? Do we take some satisfaction in maintaining greater kindness and humanity? How did we escape her dark influence? Are we just determined to be good despite an inherited handicap? Did genes from other relatives tip the balance in our favor? Did we luckily avoid desperate situations that provoke ruthless decisions? If God intervened to set us on a righteous path, why didn’t He (She) do the same for old Gram?
These questions make my head spin. But I do think that benefits come after the ground shifts beneath our feet. First, we can understand behaviors that had mystified us. We can figure out why Uncle Ralph always snapped at anyone who mentioned the town of Piqua. Aunt Betty always flushed scarlet when her cousin Jim walked into a room because…
Second, we learn that family members were capable of a broad range of behavior. A respected great aunt had an affair with a married man. An uncle landed in jail after hunting rabbits out of season. Grandpa hit the bars after work and came home surly. Mom took a young lady under her wing after the girl lost her father. Snappish Ned carried birdseed in his pocket to feed birds and squirrels. Cousin Bob helped a college buddy avoid Vietnam by driving him to Canada.
Third, possibilities open up to us. If all these unexpected things happened in our family line, what lies in store for us? We may be bound by chains of genetic heritage, but a surprising amount of choices remain available. And the identity stories we tell ourselves fall apart when too many sub-stories are added. No coherent narrative can enclose all those contradictions.
The earth shakes as our stories wither and die, but moments of unbalance are preludes to freedom. And we can remain free if we manage to avoid making up new stories.
Things happened. Things continue to happen. We can act.
dennisnarratives 