A mystic came up to Captain Kirk and said, “Let me remove your pain.” Kirk declined and responded, “My pain makes me who I am.” (I’m paraphrasing.) This scene, a pivotal moment in the worst movie in the original cast Star Trek movie series, has stuck with me. It underlines the idea that our memories, our joys and pains, become our self-images. We identify with the personal history narratives we tell ourselves.
A couple of problems arise with this process of identification. 1. Our memories are changeable. Every time we recall an event, we slightly alter the neural connections that previously recorded the memory. That bit of stored data loses clarity and develops flaws like an overplayed phonograph record. After a while, when we think about a wedding day or the birth of a child, we’re looking at degraded artifacts instead of accurate records. 2. The brain evolved to enhance our chances of survival. Survival partially involves claiming status within a social group. Our minds tend to weed out the negative parts of our actions and to emphasize the bits that support our sense of self-worth. We remember versions of events that put us in the best light. If we convince ourselves and others that we remain worthy despite recent difficulties, then we can maintain our standing within a group. An example: a man justifies his infidelity to a circle of friends by recounting the many times his wife belittled him but fails to mention that his selfishness spurred her criticism.
Personal narrative-based identities become unstable once we understand that our recollections contain biased information that acquires additional flaws over time. We realize that a trip down memory lane is a journey through a shifting landscape dotted with delusions.
Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche, an author and Buddhist meditation instructor, teaches that the way out of memory delusion is to turn attention toward the present. We can focus on sensory inputs whenever we drift back into our customary mental routines. We can even stay in the present by watching the mind as it churns out a series of faulty memories, justifications, and associated negative feelings.
He states that clarity and peace spontaneously arise when we stop identifying with memory. Our sense of self, paradoxically, expands once we give up the protective bubbles that currently enclose (imprison) us.
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